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TChainRedux 1: Chiaroscuro by ~Ailoura-aithe:iconAiloura-aithe:



Op de drempel van dag,
De ondertekenende lijn tussen licht en donker,
Waar schemering golft over het gestilde landschap
En een onmerkbare kilte opstijgt.

[Het slagveld is verwacht chaotischer te zijn.]

Met subtiliteit, het meest troosteloos van elk soort wanhoop
Leeft naast het vermogen voor
Totale verlossing

De grens kruist.
Donkere leegte heerst;
Een wenk op de handbereik horizon:

'De miljoen stralende ambassadeurs van de ochtend;
De miljoen stralende ambassadeurs verschijnen.'

Lichten fonkelen op de naad van dag en nacht
Onvruchtbaarheid en volkomenheid,
[Er is een reden
Er is een bedoeling]
Deze stralen die niet konden stralen,
Behalve in clair-obscur,
Waar zij aan zij de aanwezigheid en de afwezigheid zijn.

Het duister brengt wenen
Wenen schuurt het hart en gezicht gelijk
Dat het licht helder wordt gemaakt.

De schepper van het lot schildert met clair-obscur.

Translation of the original poem "Chiaroscuro" by ~marvintheparanoid
:iconailoura-aithe:

Author's Comments

The ~TranslationChain has been revived by ~lemon-hush in the form of ~TChainRedux! This is the first chain under new management and i have the privilege of being the first link in that chain :)

translation of the poem "Chiaroscuro" by ~marvintheparanoid. English to Dutch.

I hope it doesn't read too clunkily. My Dutch is quite out of practice and i had to use a dictionary an embarrassing amount.

You can find the journal with this chain's list of translators here --> [link]

Edit
fixed a couple grammatical mistakes pointed out by ~outrageouslyweird-me :)

Comments


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:iconoutrageouslyweird-me:
that's so cool! :D i was very surprised to find a dutch poem in my inbox :giggle: it's beautiful, very well translated! :nod: there are a few things that i would've done differently though ^^; for example: "de handbereik horizon" :confused: dutch people would never use the word "handbereik" as an adjective :XD: we'd say something like... "de horizon binnen handbereik" :) also, "donker leegte" should actually be "donkere leegte"... and we'd refer to "the maker of fate" as "de schepper van het lot" ;p

but i guess changing that would totally mess up the rhythmic structure of the verses :roll:

i like how you translated "lights sparkle at the joining of day and night" into "lichten fonkelen op de naad van dag en nacht" by the way! :aww:

--
I want to ask for help
but I don't know what's wrong.
:iconailoura-aithe:
thanks for the crit, glad you approve :D

i'll fix 'donkere' and 'het lot'. i wasn't sure what to do with the handbereik thing as you wouldn't normally use arm's-reach like that either. In the end i decided it was artistic license on the part of the original poet and left it in, even though it feels a bit weird.

'naad van dag en nacht' was my favourite bit of translation too :boogie:

--
Would you like me to lie to you now?
:iconoutrageouslyweird-me:
i'm glad i could help! :D andwell, handbereik horizon... it does sound pretty cool, doesn't it? :giggle: you did the right thing :)

--
I want to ask for help
but I don't know what's wrong.
:iconailoura-aithe:
:laughing:

--
Would you like me to lie to you now?

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August 13
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